Most of my every day life consists of cooking, cleaning, watching movies, talking to my friends and family from back home, and staring at the vaulted ceiling of my bedroom. It's pretty boring to say the least. It gets very lonely sitting inside knowing that everyone that I want to see is at least 1,000 miles away. I never thought it would really be this hard to deal with the reality that I'll be lucky if I see them twice a year. I've decided that I can't let the miles get between friendships and seeing my loved ones. I need to make it back to MN at least once this summer, and I'm ready to use any excuse that I can think of to make that happen. Don't get me wrong, the weather and beautiful scenery definitely tops what MN can offer, but it's not the same without family. I read the fb status' of my preggo sister and wish that I could be there to watch her belly grow, or join my friends as they have a girls night filled with wine and movies, or attend graduation parties and summer bbq's. I've cried more than I like to admit over the little things like this, although I try to hide it as much as possible from Bryan. I thought that finally getting to see my husband every day and fall asleep next to him every night would be enough to make me happy. Again, don't think that I don't absolutely love those moments, but it's only enough to make me mostly happy. My hope is that if I can occupy enough of my time to distract me from these feelings of lonliness, that I can make it out here alone.
So onto the exciting news...I got a job...two actually!!! I start my first one this saturday and then my next one starts the saturday after. They're both care taker jobs, which is something that I love to do. I'm excited to finally have a reason to get out of the house and feel like I'm contributing financially to my little family of two. Here's to hoping that it'll be enough.
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
Thursday, June 9, 2011
Edits and updates
As promised, here are some of the photos that my amazing sister and owner of Studio B Photography took while she was out here in Colorado for my birthday!
This last one is my absolute favorite, probably because the pose was my idea ;). I can't wait to get the full cd back with all of the edited images!
On a bit more exciting note, I FINALLY GOT A JOB!!!! It's only taken a month or so of searching and applying for various positions to finally get a response. It sounds like it'll be an interesting one since the woman is not American, is in a wheelchair, and will be living on her own in an apartment. I guess wish me luck that this isn't some kind of crazy scam. :S
Monday, June 6, 2011
Socialization!!!!
It's been almost a week since Brenda has left and I'm still missing her like crazy. After cleaning the house as best as I could on Saturday, Bryan and I went to the good ol' Denver Intl' Airport and picked her up. We dropped off her bags, changed clothes, and headed out West towards Boulder. It felt so amazing to have family out here with me, even though I knew it was only going to be for a short time. We walked up and down Pearl Street and eventually decided on Pasta Jay's for dinner. Oh My God is that food TO DIE FOR!!!! The servings were huge and best of all, we didn't have to wait for a table. We thought we had enough room left between the three of us to share dessert, but we were very sadly mistaken. I've found a new love, it's called Oreo cheesecake! Once we were able to roll ourselves out of there, we headed back for home to call it a night.
I was more than excited as I came running into Brenda's room and bounced on her bed to wake her and the baby up! It was my 22nd birthday and I wasn't going to waste a single minute of it. We had a good talk while still laying in bed. I even got to feel baby move!!! We then continued our conversation for the next two hours at Starbucks as we sipped on yummy coffee and ate our breakfast sandwiches. The plan for the day was to head back home, get dressed and ready, go take some wedding pictures in Arvada, then come home to eat the delicious pot roast Bryan had made and some dq cake. Bryan wasn't too thrilled about the whole picture thing, but he got over it and actually ended up enjoying it (go figure). What could be more fun then getting all dressed up and having everyone compliment you as you go around taking pictures and kissing your husband all day?! Once we got home we still had a little time to wait for the pot roast to finish, so Brenda and I went for a 4 mile walk and Bryan took a nap. It felt like old times. I was in desperate need for some girl time with my big sis and I was more than happy to deal with the crazy heat and blisters. We ate dinner shortly after getting back and watched Despicable Me for the 20th time and quickly zonked for the night. It was the best birthday a girl could ask for.
Monday started out with another coffee date at Starbucks. It was nice to be able to get out of the house so much in a short period of time. We decided to drive down to Denver to check out the 16th Street Mall. It was a great morning and the weather was perfect. It was funny to watch Bryan roll his eyes every time he had to go into a department store or a little kid store. Once the wind picked up, we took it as our cue to head over to Arvada again to attend his aunt and uncle's memorial day bbq they were having at their house. They really are the sweetest people, who also happen to have the sweetest wine cellar I've ever seen! The food was great as always, but we had to leave eventually so that Bryan could get up for his 3:30 am yard call, and Brenda could make her 6 am flight back to Minnesota.
I very much hated waking up early on Tuesday morning, knowing that everything was going to go back to the way it was. Brenda was leaving. I was in no way ready to give her back. It wasn't until she got here that I realized how much I truly missed and needed her and the rest of my friends and family back in MN. I wasn't ready to be alone again. I held it together as I dropped her off, but I bawled the second I got back to the house, knowing that no one would be there. I walked up to the guest bedroom where she'd been just an hour or so before. I know I shouldn't have been quite as emotional as I was, but I couldn't help it. I was wide awake and couldn't fall back asleep. After eventually getting like 2 hours of sleep, I realized that I needed to be around people today, badly. I called up Kathy and we spent the afternoon with the kids and Rene at the pool. I didn't think I got as much color as I did but I definitely got sun burned after only 2 hours!!! Maybe it's all in my head or maybe it was the Vitamin D from the sun, but I've felt a lot better this week mentally and physically.
This past Saturday, Bryan's crew had a family picnic out at Boyd Lake State Park up near Loveland, Co. We both had a great time and I finally met some new people to hang out with. They're of course other "Frac wives" and we got along great. The guys had a lot of left over beer so we continued the party back at Shain and Kathy's. There must have been something in that beer because every guy turned into a sap that night. They all poured out their hearts and told their most personal childhood stories. They all reminisced about the accident and their time in the USMC.
Which brings me to my latest life change. Bryan has been seriously contemplating re-enlisting in the Marine Corps. He doesn't seem to like his job what so ever. He misses his brothers and the lifestyle. His only fear is that he'll be leaving me to deal with 15 years of deployments, and the possibility that he might leave me to be a single mother if something were to ever happen. These are fears that I was lucky before to never have to worry about. I don't know what to do. He talks about it all the time, and I can see that it makes him happy. It would obviously be advantageous money wise since our housing would be paid for, but is it worth it? Part of me thinks yes, part of me thinks no. I don't want to pressure him one way or another, but I hate living day to day life wondering if he's going to quit his job because he can't take civilian life any longer. We've had a lot of talks about it, and he seems to be 75% sure that he's going to go back. This would bring us back to either California or North Carolina. Again, both would be away from family and the life we've started to make here in Colorado. It's all up in the air right now, and God only knows when this coin will land.
Well enough about the confusing part. The good news is that I had a wonderful birthday weekend, I got to socialize and meet new people, and I'm feeling good about life overall. I will have to add pictures soon since my computer isn't really liking me at the moment in time. Love and miss you all!
I was more than excited as I came running into Brenda's room and bounced on her bed to wake her and the baby up! It was my 22nd birthday and I wasn't going to waste a single minute of it. We had a good talk while still laying in bed. I even got to feel baby move!!! We then continued our conversation for the next two hours at Starbucks as we sipped on yummy coffee and ate our breakfast sandwiches. The plan for the day was to head back home, get dressed and ready, go take some wedding pictures in Arvada, then come home to eat the delicious pot roast Bryan had made and some dq cake. Bryan wasn't too thrilled about the whole picture thing, but he got over it and actually ended up enjoying it (go figure). What could be more fun then getting all dressed up and having everyone compliment you as you go around taking pictures and kissing your husband all day?! Once we got home we still had a little time to wait for the pot roast to finish, so Brenda and I went for a 4 mile walk and Bryan took a nap. It felt like old times. I was in desperate need for some girl time with my big sis and I was more than happy to deal with the crazy heat and blisters. We ate dinner shortly after getting back and watched Despicable Me for the 20th time and quickly zonked for the night. It was the best birthday a girl could ask for.
Monday started out with another coffee date at Starbucks. It was nice to be able to get out of the house so much in a short period of time. We decided to drive down to Denver to check out the 16th Street Mall. It was a great morning and the weather was perfect. It was funny to watch Bryan roll his eyes every time he had to go into a department store or a little kid store. Once the wind picked up, we took it as our cue to head over to Arvada again to attend his aunt and uncle's memorial day bbq they were having at their house. They really are the sweetest people, who also happen to have the sweetest wine cellar I've ever seen! The food was great as always, but we had to leave eventually so that Bryan could get up for his 3:30 am yard call, and Brenda could make her 6 am flight back to Minnesota.
I very much hated waking up early on Tuesday morning, knowing that everything was going to go back to the way it was. Brenda was leaving. I was in no way ready to give her back. It wasn't until she got here that I realized how much I truly missed and needed her and the rest of my friends and family back in MN. I wasn't ready to be alone again. I held it together as I dropped her off, but I bawled the second I got back to the house, knowing that no one would be there. I walked up to the guest bedroom where she'd been just an hour or so before. I know I shouldn't have been quite as emotional as I was, but I couldn't help it. I was wide awake and couldn't fall back asleep. After eventually getting like 2 hours of sleep, I realized that I needed to be around people today, badly. I called up Kathy and we spent the afternoon with the kids and Rene at the pool. I didn't think I got as much color as I did but I definitely got sun burned after only 2 hours!!! Maybe it's all in my head or maybe it was the Vitamin D from the sun, but I've felt a lot better this week mentally and physically.
This past Saturday, Bryan's crew had a family picnic out at Boyd Lake State Park up near Loveland, Co. We both had a great time and I finally met some new people to hang out with. They're of course other "Frac wives" and we got along great. The guys had a lot of left over beer so we continued the party back at Shain and Kathy's. There must have been something in that beer because every guy turned into a sap that night. They all poured out their hearts and told their most personal childhood stories. They all reminisced about the accident and their time in the USMC.
Which brings me to my latest life change. Bryan has been seriously contemplating re-enlisting in the Marine Corps. He doesn't seem to like his job what so ever. He misses his brothers and the lifestyle. His only fear is that he'll be leaving me to deal with 15 years of deployments, and the possibility that he might leave me to be a single mother if something were to ever happen. These are fears that I was lucky before to never have to worry about. I don't know what to do. He talks about it all the time, and I can see that it makes him happy. It would obviously be advantageous money wise since our housing would be paid for, but is it worth it? Part of me thinks yes, part of me thinks no. I don't want to pressure him one way or another, but I hate living day to day life wondering if he's going to quit his job because he can't take civilian life any longer. We've had a lot of talks about it, and he seems to be 75% sure that he's going to go back. This would bring us back to either California or North Carolina. Again, both would be away from family and the life we've started to make here in Colorado. It's all up in the air right now, and God only knows when this coin will land.
Well enough about the confusing part. The good news is that I had a wonderful birthday weekend, I got to socialize and meet new people, and I'm feeling good about life overall. I will have to add pictures soon since my computer isn't really liking me at the moment in time. Love and miss you all!
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